On the inescapable Travel Sad, and some vague promises to do a real update.

Yesterday, I did not like Thailand. Today, I do.

Yesterday, all I wanted was a cup of tea and toast with Nutella. Today, I just wanted fried rice (and maybe some pineapple).

Yesterday, it was the most irritating thing in the world that Hua Hin has vast stretches of sidewalk that they block entirely with billboards and rows and rows of potted plants so that you have to walk in the road. Today, it’s charming.

Yesterday, the traffic in Hua Hin was completely terrifying. Today…it’s still completely f’ing terrifying, but I’m managing.

Yesterday, I was so demoralized that I came home, thought about all the terrible decisions I had made that led me to believe I could actually do this, stood in the shower, and sobbed. Today, I feel fine.

When they tell you about culture shock, they tell you it comes in stages.

• The Honeymoon Stage: EVERYTHING IS BEAUTIFUL AND ELEPHANTS AND FLOWERS.
• The Frustration Stage: EVERYTHING IS AWFUL AND WHAT IS THAT SMELL.
• The Adjustment Stage: EVERYTHING IS OK I GUESS AND THIS PINEAPPLE IS PRETTY NICE.
• The Acceptance Stage: YEAH OK I GUESS I LIVE HERE NOW THAT’S COOL.

My experience has been less that of stages and more of unpredictable and often irrational waves. And not the little baby waves of which the bathwater-warm Thai beaches boast — rather the kind of waves that make international news and overall cause Really Bad Things to happen. Those waves.

I have had a really great first (nearly) two weeks. I have. It’s been an absolute blast — already I’ve done things I never thought I’d get to do. 

I fulfilled a life goal and met (and got kissed by) a baby elephant.

{his name was songkran and i need him forever you don’t understand}

I ate questionable street food and did not get sick (yay!).

{not technically street food, but definitely questionable}

I visited a mountain of monkeys. Literally, it was called Monkey Mountain and it was absurd. To quote my sister, it was “some wizard of oz shit.”

{get out of my face, monkey!!!}

Overall, I am really happy to be here. As terrifying as some things are (read: traffic, the prospect of teaching a class of 50 Thai children), it’s terribly exciting, and every day is a new challenge. Even if some days I don’t feel up to it.

One of the wonderful and utterly infuriating things about Thailand is that nothing is ever set. You think meditation is at 8:30am? Ha ha it’s actually at 2:00pm. Your syllabus says you get out of class at 4:30? Sucks to your syllabus. It’s entirely likely, I’ve been told, that teachers will not know when the last day of school is until the actual day. I have been repeatedly informed since arrival that no one in Thailand ever has any idea what is going on. Everything — and I mean everything — is in a state of constant change from one moment to the next.

There was one thing I kept repeating to myself as I had my little self-indulgent cry-a-thon, and it was this: It’s just one moment. One moment in the wild, expansive flux that is Thai life. Yesterday, I didn’t like Thailand. Today, I really do. And that’s ok. It’s ok to have those moments and it’s ok to allow yourself to feel those feelings. Allowing yourself to experience the bad things takes nothing away from the good ones. It’s just another moment you have to get through. And tomorrow, it’ll be completely different. Promise.

(Summary: FEEL YOUR FEELINGS.)

Note: I will do a real update that actually details what’s been going on for the past two weeks sometime soon, I swear. Things have been crazy and hectic and exhausting and tonight’s pretty much the first night that I’ve had no homework and nothing planned — although I do have a 4am pickup tomorrow to go to Bangkok with a handful of other TESOL students and teach at the “SUPER FUN ENGLISH CAMP” for the day, so there’s that. (FYI, this is Really New information to me. See what I mean? CONSTANT FLUX.) For now, have this little post about feelings.

I did warn you.